The wife tells what caused her to be dark-tanned. She lived in the country and had to work outside. She says that her brothers were hard on her. She had to participate in the family to earn a living, and her brothers did not spare her. That meant she often had to stand outside in the sun when it was her turn to guard the vineyards. The rays of the sun burned her a darkish tan colour.
When she says that she did not keep her own vineyard, it means that she did not put her appearance first. The daily work she had to do was more important to her than looking as beautiful as possible. A beautiful appearance according to the world’s fashion of that time did not govern her life. We are called to do our daily work: to work on our inner beauty time and again. That inner beauty is living in love for the Lord and your neighbour. Then you are beautiful; then you are desirable. This young woman may be tanned, yet she is beautiful.
These things are also very important when you are looking for someone with whom you hope to share your life. When you are looking for someone with whom you seek to share your life as a husband or wife, it is important to keep in mind the words of the Holy Spirit in Proverbs 11:22: Like a gold ring in a pig’s snout is a beautiful woman without discretion.
It is not fitting for you as a Christian to say that you will only go for a good-looking boy or girl. Do not let the outer appearance of a boy or girl blind you. Do not get caught by girls or boys who go out of their way to be physically attractive, who try to look as striking and provocative as possible. What matters is that you find someone with whom you love Christ together, with whom you live together in Christ’s church in the unity of the true faith. It is wonderful when someone matches this desire and wants to serve Christ together with you in love—even if he or she may not be as fine-looking on the outside. Then you still sing to that other person in love. That other person whom you love is then the most beautiful for you because you look at his or her whole personality.
These things are also important when you are already married. This also applies when you grow older and one’s appearance clearly starts to show signs of ageing. If you have built your love on the external only, there is a great danger that the love for the other will begin to languish. Then you start looking at others and long for someone who is still quite handsome on the outside. This is not how it should be in the church of Christ. It is truly sinful for men to tell dirty jokes about this. It is a sinful excuse for a man to say: it is only men talk.
The Spirit teaches us to love one another in true love. Outward appearances no longer play a decisive role in this. We only desire to be together.
6 Do not gaze at me because I am dark, because the sun has looked upon me. My mother’s sons were angry with me; they made me keeper of the vineyards, but my own vineyard I have not kept!