In Matthew 5:23–26, Jesus gives us two concrete examples to guide our response to his teaching regarding the sixth commandment. Both have to do with reconciliation. We must act quickly to reconcile where we have done wrong. We must restore peace in our relationships quickly and speedily; it is a life and death matter.

Of particular interest is the fact that in the examples that Jesus gives, the focus is not our anger, but the anger of others. Did you notice that? We might have thought that it would be more natural for Jesus to tell us to forgive others so as not to let our anger fester, and to get over ourselves and stop harbouring resentment. But he actually says the opposite, or rather he wants us to focus on the anger of other people. Not their sin towards us but our sin towards them. Did I listen before speaking? Did I raise my voice unnecessarily? Did I say something that was unwise and untrue? Did I do something that may have caused offence? Something to make them feel unwanted, or unloved? Did I cause injury or harm?

Jesus encourages kingdom citizens to have a complete change in attitude. Not a focus on me but a focus on others. This is what it means to be meek. This is what it means to be a peacemaker. Christians do not become doormats for people to walk on. Rather, we humbly recognize that we are not better than anyone else. I am not better than my spouse or my friend. It is in my nature to do things that are hurtful and wicked and to be blind to the same. If there is a relationship problem, there may very well be, there definitely is something that I have overlooked for which I need to apologize.

A change in attitude is called for, yet it does not stop there. Jesus actually goes further. He encourages us to show real concern for the other person, to start thinking of them. If they are angry with me, that is not going to be good for them spiritually. That might set them on a spiral of behaviour that leads to further wrongs. Lead them to a place where they think the whole world is against them, place where they shut their ears to everyone, where they start being consumed by the wrongs they have or think they have suffered. I know this, I worry for them; I do not want my indifference, my thoughtlessness to contribute to their anger. I want to reconcile so that I can help them, so that there can be peace.

When we reflect on Jesus’ words in detail, we come face to face with the drastic and radical changes he wants to work in his people through his Spirit. The move from me and what I deserve on to others and what will help them. My neighbour made in God’s image. My spouse, my children—what do they need to let go of their anger? What can I do to help them in that regard? Is there something for which I can apologize? Can I take the initiative to reach out and say the first sorry?

The change, the deep change, that Jesus wants to work in us, is exciting. It is exciting to have this glimpse of what life in his kingdom ought to look like. A glimpse of a society where no one thinks they are better than anyone else. A society where we are happy to walk side by side with everyone and there is no one we avoid because of past wrongs. Will it not be wonderful to be part of such a community?

Jesus’ vision of life in the kingdom is exciting but also scary. It is a convicting vision because I know how hard it is for me to forgive. I know how easy it is to harbour resentment in my heart. I know how reluctant I am to take the initiative and reach out to someone when there is something wrong. I am generally not willing to go as far as Jesus wants me to go. To suffer wrongs for the sake of others. That is where most of us will find ourselves on a regular basis. We want to obey, we want to be part of this loving community where there is no murder, but we also do not want to let go of our pride. Anger is so often a comfort to me when I have been wronged.

Faced with the hardness of our hearts, let us remember that Jesus’ teaching is not just a blueprint but also a promise. A promise that he is going to change us. Slowly, steadily by his Spirit he will conform us into his image. He will humble us and make us more and more willing to bear wrongs and injustices for the sake of others.

How will Jesus change us? As we hear what he demands, as we learn what will please our king, as we reflect on his love and goodness, overtime our convictions are changed (see Romans 12:1–2). Our desires are changed. We begin to walk in the good works that he has prepared (see Ephesians 2:10). We begin to live according to his commandments. We resolve that next time there is a conflict, I am going to be the one who takes the first step to reconcile. I am going to be the one who makes a plan to put things right. Every time we do that, every time submit to what Jesus teaches in response to his grace, no matter how difficult, every time we do that, we walk with him. We keep in step with his Spirit on this earthly pilgrimage by which he is transforming us to be a people who love rather than a people who murder.