In our day, this proverb is often turned around: he who uses the rod hates his son! Of course, the rod can be used in a harmful way. But our society has gone to the other extreme, banning the rod as an instrument of discipline. This is not supported by Scripture, which often advises us to discipline our children with the rod (Proverbs 10:13; Proverbs 18:6; Proverbs 19:29; Proverbs 20:30; Proverbs 22:15; Proverbs 23:13–14; Proverbs 26:3; Proverbs 29:15; Deuteronomy 23:2–3; Luke 12:47–48).
In this we should follow the example of our heavenly Father, who treated Israel as a father treats a son (Exodus 4:23; Hosea 11:1). He educated Israel with friendly teaching, guidance, and rebuke. However, when Israel continued to be disobedient, he disciplined them with punishments, which became progressively worse until the exile. Even then, it pained him to punish them (Jeremiah 31:20).
God’s discipline of his people did not stop with the Old Testament; he still disciplines us (Hebrews 12:5–11). Our discipline should be like the discipline that God gives to us. The Word of God should be our first resource. Only when our children refuse to listen to our loving teaching and rebuking, should we resort to the rod. This should be done in a sparing way, never out of any other motive than love. When Solomon uses the word “rod,” we can also understand all the methods of discipline by which we may wisely make a child feel that he has sinned.
Clearly, at the time when Solomon wrote these proverbs, there were parents who did not think that the rod was connected to love. However, true love cannot see evil abide and grow in the heart of a child. Parents should recognize the power that sin has over the hearts of their children. Not to discipline one’s child when he sins, is actually to hate the child.
24 Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him.