Solomon here encourages healthy discipline, while warning against extreme forms of discipline. In a wisdom book that later became popular among the Jews (especially the Pharisees), there is advice of a different nature: Bend the child’s neck in his youth, and break his ribs while he is still young
(Jezus Sirach 30:9ff.).
In contrast with this, notice the love and tenderness with which the parents of Proverbs address their children (e.g., Proverbs 4:1–4; Proverbs 31:2). Love forms the basis of all wise discipline.
Wise and loving parents will not shy away from the rod, but will use it when necessary. They will also use the rod in the right time, early in the child’s life. Then there is still “hope.” Most importantly, they will not use the rod out of vengeance, to bring death, but to give loving correction.
In Ephesians 6:4 and Colossians 3:21 we are told not to cause bitterness in our children through our discipline, but to bring them up in the discipline of the Lord. The love that Scripture teaches us to have as parents is a strong and patient love that takes the sinful nature of our children and their limited understanding into account.
18 Discipline your son, for there is hope; do not set your heart on putting him to death.