The expression of the woman’s deep longing might give the impression that the physical aspect is the most important thing about marriage, or that that is what it is all about. The wife realizes that this impression could arise. Therefore, the Holy Spirit now makes her say, I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem, that you not stir up or awaken love until it pleases
(see also Song of Solomon 2:7; Song of Solomon 3:5).
What is true love? What is the love in which there is also a deep friendship with the other? What is the love in which physical intercourse is the crowning glory of love and unique friendship for one another? That is not the kind of love that is artificially induced. That is not the desire that is aroused by behaving, physically or with words, in a defiant manner toward the other. That is not the desire that you attempt to arouse by physically appearing as striking as possible to the other person. When you approach someone in this way, you are not trying to arouse true love, but you are trying to release sexual feelings without love. True love, as Christ prefers to see it, needs to grow.
The physical does not come first in this relationship. Love arises and grows. It grows through a special friendship between a man and a woman. Such a friendship involves trusting each other more and more. You get to know each other better and better. You tell the other person more and more of what is in your heart. You are open with your feelings for one another in a special way. From that friendship, from that special trust in each other, love grows. Real love cannot be separated from the special friendship for each other.
Therefore, there is no true love if you do not have a heart-to-heart talk with each other during your courtship. It is not true love when you do not talk together about Christ as the most important person in your life in courtship time and in marriage. It is indispensable that when you are in a relationship, you talk about all the things that concern you; you pray together; you get to know each other more and more; you also talk about the future together. Being in a relationship is so much more than going out for meals together, having fun together, going places. It involves so much more than kissing and touching each other. If there is no more than that, there is no true love. Then it is not the kind of love that is also a deep friendship and desire to serve the Lord; a desire to live together as active participants in his church out of love for Christ. Growing in that love is indispensable for a good preparation for marriage. This is Christ's desire for his people.
4 I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem, that you not stir up or awaken love until it pleases.